By Grace Hui for Incentre
We live in an interconnected world with interweaving and layered relationships. As human beings, we are inherently social creatures. We need each other to survive and even to thrive. As we navigate these webs of relationships ranging from friendships to romantic entanglements to colleagues and family, how do we ensure that we maintain these in a healthy manner?
This is where the notion of boundaries comes in. Boundaries set markers around what we each deem acceptable and knowing this upfront will help all of us to traverse the complexity of interacting with each other.
All types of relationships require boundaries in order to be healthy. Parents need to set a framework of what is acceptable behaviour for their children and romantic partners need to be clear with each other what they are willing to accept and what they are not. Likewise, friendships require boundaries too and we need to be clear as to what crosses the line and what does not.
Not everyone will have the same boundaries and that is perfectly OK. We are all made different. However, we do need to exercise discernment when it comes to setting our individual boundaries. For example, we need to be able to tell the difference between imposing our own triggers on others and establishing a healthy dynamic. While setting boundaries is healthy, a "trauma dump" is toxic. It is also important to recognise that the setting of boundaries does not mean that you need to cut yourself off from that person.
I once met a person (let's call her Suzy) who refused to allow her partner (let's call him Peter) to use the name "Maria" because his ex wife was called Maria. The name "Maria" triggered Suzy to such an extent that Peter had to call all the other "Marias" (from friends to colleagues) in his life by other names. She felt that this was her "boundary" and that in order to be in a relationship with her, he had to abide by it. He ended up feeling very resentful and the relationship came to an eventual end.
Peter cannot change the past. He was married to Maria and that ended. It transpired that Suzy's ex partner had cheated on her with his ex wife and that had left her with a lingering fear of Peter doing the same to her - hence, even the name of his ex wife being used, whatever the context, set her off.
I have no doubt that Suzy was genuinely insecure about her partner's ex and that her feelings were real. However, if Peter has done nothing on his part to make her insecure, is it a case of Suzy setting boundaries or is it a case of Suzy projecting her insecurities onto her partner?
To set healthy boundaries, we first have to take ownership of our own issues. How well do we know ourselves?
What are healthy boundaries?
Healthy boundaries set the stage for relationships of mutual respect and positive support. In such relationships, we are able to differentiate between what is "our own shit" and what is "someone else's problem". In this way, we are able to take ownership of what we need healing for and not project that onto someone else. In the same vein, we are able to focus on our own paths instead of trying to live someone else's.
Boundaries cut both ways. Just as we do not want someone else to encroach into our own space, we similarly do not want to encroach into someone else's space. The key is to know the difference and to know the difference, you first have to know yourself.
Know Thyself and the rewards of being Empowered
Truly knowing yourself and becoming an expert on yourself is a path of progression. It doesn't happen overnight. While it may not be easy, it is certainly rewarding. One might even say that if everyone truly knew themselves and what their divine purposes were, we would have peace on earth and no war!
Everyone has a divine purpose that only they (with their higher selves and their higher minds) know what these purposes are. If everybody followed their divine purpose, then there would also be no encroached boundaries. We would be able to support each other without imposing our own issues into the mix.
In the traditions of the ancient mystery schools, this path begins with a "Life Activation". A Life Activation connects you to your divine blueprint and reminds you of who you truly are. It anchors more light into your structure thereby clearing away the density that blocks you from accessing the wisdom of your higher self.
Once you have clear and direct access to your higher self, a lot of the masks that you have either consciously or unconsciously been wearing begin to fall away and you start to realise the difference between a boundary and a trigger.
The moment you start taking ownership of your own healing, the real magick begins to happen and you will see shifts in your perspectives that you never saw before.
As you heal yourself, what used to trigger you will cease to do so and you are able to set boundaries based on truly loving yourself and the other as opposed to allowing your unconscious reactions to rule your life and those around you.
Triggers show you what you need to heal in yourself and should not be confused with boundaries. No one else is responsible for your triggers apart from you. This is step one.
After the Life Activation, there is a class and initiation called "Empower Thyself". In this class and initiation, we are handed down the tools of how to work with our own energy fields to truly understand and comprehend the full extent of our ability to create what we want in our lives in alignment with our divine purposes.
In a time honoured tradition that has spanned for thousands of years, these tools are handed down from teacher to student in an unbroken chain. Much more light is anchored into your structure to illuminate your shadows so that you can heal them. This is so important for boundary setting. After all, how can you set healthy boundaries when you do not really know your shadows?
By wielding the tools handed down by "Empower thyself", you can daily face yourself in love and honesty. And by showing up for yourself in this way, you heal not only yourself but also the relationships around you. You will also be less attached to the drama of certain relationships and instead allow these to fall away or heal without any protracted or toxic fanfare.
How to shut out the noise which may affect your boundary setting?
Sometimes, we may not always be clear as to what comes from us and what comes from our surroundings. In other words, we may be influenced by the advice or opinions of others. This "noise" may impede us from following the wisdom of our higher selves.
It could also be our own "mind chatter" that distracts us from our true paths.
How can we create a space which blocks out distractions?
In the tradition of the Modern Mystery School, there is an activation called the “Galactic Activation” that can give us the razor sharp discernment we need when it comes to whether something comes from us or from someone else.
The Galactic Activation is a full two-day workshop which is about living in a new way in order to become a different kind of human. The 24-strand DNA Activation is designed to open us and prepare us for our return to a fully empowered state of being.
By wielding the power of sacred geometry, you can transmute vibration in a different way.
In the tradition of the Modern Mystery School we work with the three basic shapes that will cut through the density of our minds to create a "container of light" for us. Utilising and working with the triangle, the square and the circle, we can quite literally create a sacred space in any room.
These shapes are the building blocks of creation, our atoms, our DNA and also the Universe. They are represented in all spiritual traditions. From the Egyptians to the Mayans, from Africa to Asia - all tribal and other traditions use the same sacred geometries and that’s not just a coincidence!
This sacred space in turn helps us to transmute vibrations, thoughts and noise so we can create a high vibration positive space
In this way, we are empowered to create the space that we want so that we can have the clarity of our own higher minds.
The sacred tools that you’ll receive stem from the ancient solomonic lineage and allow you to increase your vibration and connection to spirit, strengthen your energy field, clear spaces energetically (such as offices, hotel rooms, meditation spaces) and create a temple of space (for meditation, decision making, reconnecting with your higher self, recharging yourself or just because you enjoy the energy).
In a nutshell
All relationships require healthy boundaries. To set healthy boundaries, you first have to know yourself and invest in your own healing. That is the only way to differentiate between what is yours and what is someone else's. You will also need to be able to discern between triggers and boundaries. Not only do you have to keep your own boundaries clear, you also have to be mindful of someone else's! Healthy boundaries cut both ways!
In other words, you have to empower thyself to know thyself to truly embody who it is that you are supposed to be. Some of that galactic energy will serve us too!
